{"id":140082,"date":"2026-09-15T09:08:23","date_gmt":"2026-09-15T09:08:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/?p=140082"},"modified":"2026-09-15T09:08:23","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T09:08:23","slug":"collaboratively-getting-needs-met","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/2026\/09\/15\/collaboratively-getting-needs-met\/","title":{"rendered":"Collaboratively Getting Needs Met"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you are not using power-over tactics\u2014such as yelling, justifying, withdrawing, or relying on your usual communication defaults\u2014how do you negotiate in a way that gets your needs met?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Compromise often has a cost: one person gives something up, and someone may leave the conversation feeling unheard or disappointed. Likewise, pushing for a solution the other person does not agree with can create conflict, resentment, and frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A needs-based approach to negotiation is different. Rather than deciding who is right or whose solution wins, you work together to find a solution that supports both people\u2019s needs<\/strong>. This is what creates a genuine win-win outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can use this process with children, partners, parents, siblings, friends, or work colleagues\u2014any relationship where you want to stay connected while working through a difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Six Steps<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

1. Identify Each Person\u2019s Needs<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Start by identifying what each person truly needs. Be careful not to confuse a solution<\/em> with a need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, \u201cI need you to come with me\u201d is not a need\u2014it is a proposed solution. The need underneath it may be connection, support, reassurance, belonging, rest, autonomy, or appreciation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we do not immediately know what our real needs are. In that case, ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I got this solution, what would that then give me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The answer usually points to the underlying need. You can also use a needs list<\/strong><\/a> to help put words to what is important for each person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Brainstorm Solutions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Once both people\u2019s needs are clear, brainstorm as many possible solutions as you can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let the ideas flow. Be creative, silly, practical, simple, or ambitious\u2014at this stage, the goal is to generate options, not judge them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do not<\/strong> analyse, criticise, or dismiss ideas while brainstorming. Evaluating too soon can create conflict and shut down the creative process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Evaluate Solutions Against the Needs<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Now look at each possible solution together and ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDoes this meet both of our needs?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The purpose is not to compromise by having each person lose something important. Instead, negotiate until you find an option that genuinely supports both people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, going out for dinner might meet one person\u2019s need for connection, but it may not meet the other person\u2019s need for support, space, security, or rest. Keep exploring until you find an option that meets both sets of needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Choose a Solution<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Collaboratively choose the solution that best meets both people\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A win-win solution needs to tick both boxes. If it only works for one person, return to the brainstorming stage and keep negotiating. The aim is mutuality\u2014not one person getting their way while the other person simply agrees to keep the peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Implement the Solution<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Be clear about how the agreement will work in practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Decide:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • What will happen<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Who will do what<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • When it will happen<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • What support, resources, or preparation are needed<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    A clear plan helps prevent misunderstandings and makes it more likely that both people will follow through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    6. Check the Results<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Choose a time and place to come back together and review how the solution worked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    • Did this meet both of our needs?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • What worked well?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • What did not work?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • What would we do differently next time?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

      This step is important because even a well-intended solution may need adjusting once you try it. Reviewing the outcome keeps the process flexible, fair, and collaborative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Holding the Tension<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

      Secure, healthy relationships require us to hold a certain amount of tension without moving into war, withdrawal, blame, or power struggles. Staying collaborative when there is disagreement is an art, and it takes communication skills, patience, and practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      You may be able to work through all six steps in one conversation. At other times, it may be wiser to pause\u2014especially if someone is tired, overwhelmed, or emotionally activated\u2014and return later with fresh ideas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The key is to remain flexible while making a shared commitment to resolve the issue with fairness and mutuality. A win-win outcome is not about getting everything you want. It is about finding a solution where both people feel considered, respected, and supported.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      If you are not using power-over tactics\u2014such as yelling, justifying, withdrawing, or relying on your usual communication defaults\u2014how do you negotiate in a way that gets your needs met? Compromise often has a cost: one person gives something up, and someone may leave the conversation feeling unheard or disappointed. Likewise, pushing for a solution the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":140083,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[97,11],"tags":[8,66,121,67,37,58,38,20],"class_list":["post-140082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-magazine","category-news","tag-brenda-sutherland","tag-comunication","tag-conflict","tag-couples","tag-effective-communication","tag-feelings","tag-needs","tag-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140082","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=140082"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140082\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":140084,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140082\/revisions\/140084"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/140083"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=140082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=140082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/awakening.com.au\/lms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=140082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}