In a culture that favours and celebrates couples, how do we celebrate Valentines Day amongst a generation who are pair bonding less, how do we celebrate passion, romance, aliveness, attraction and fundamentally love?
In a generation full of such uncertainty we can feed the fear or we can cultivate love and community. Therefore on Valentines Day let’s reclaim eros!
Eros, in Greek mythology, is the god of desire, erotic love, attraction and the primal force that draws use together either romantically or cosmically. Eros is the longing that drives humans toward beauty, creativity, and even spiritual transcendence.
Essentially Eros, is the quality of aliveness, vitality, and mystery that keeps us curious. In essence, Eros is the force of attraction itself—the spark that initiates connection, passion, and the creation of new life.
Esther Perel highlights that eros is not simply about sexual desire or sex but is the dynamic energy that emerges when we can experience both connection and individuality at the same time.
According to Perel it is:
- The expression of our life energy. It is what makes us feel vibrant, creative, and turned on by life itself—not just by a partner.
- Rooted in mystery and separateness. She often explains that while love seeks closeness and security, desire requires distance. Eros thrives in the space between two autonomous individuals.
- Sustained by novelty and imagination. Predictability and routine can dull erotic energy; curiosity and surprise reignite it.
- About wanting, not just having. Eros lives in anticipation, longing, and the tension between self and other.
Reclaiming Eros in Personal Life
How do we cultivate eros in our lives again?
To reclaim eros is to reclaim our own sense of vitality. It means becoming a person who is engaged, passionate, curious, and sensually awake to life. To open to life as though it was your lover. To move, breathe and appreciate life in such a way that the mundane comes alive in the most subtle moments.
I remember years ago I lawn mowed love hearts into the lawn, I painted a love story with my naked body on canvas, scattered rose petals, lit candles, cooked an aphrodisiac dish inspired by Isabel Allende’s book; ‘Aphrodite’…and so much more.
How you cultivate eros in your daily life is unique, through art, dance, food, meditation, nature-based activities, self-pleasuring, taking yourself out on a date, or celebrating with friends, however it is, it is your way. Here are some ideas for daily practices that may help celebrate eros beyond the bedroom:
1. Create Micro-Mysteries
Resist over-sharing every thought and schedule. Allow space for individuality. Take a solo class. Change your routine. Let your partner (or the world) rediscover you.
2. Cultivate Self-Expansion
Desire is fuelled by growth. Try something that makes you slightly nervous—a dance class, public speaking, creative writing. When we feel alive in our own skin, we become magnetic.
3. Practice Sensory Awareness
Eros lives in the senses. Slow down while drinking your coffee. Notice textures, scents, music. Wear clothes that feel good on your body, not just practical.
4. Invite Playfulness
Flirt. Tease. Laugh. Play disrupts routine and invites spontaneity, which is essential for erotic energy. Be curious about others in public.
5. Protect Time for Beauty
Art, music, nature—these experiences awaken longing and inspiration. Beauty stirs eros because it reminds us that life is more than function.
6. Maintain Healthy Distance
Spend intentional time apart. As Perel suggests, “Fire needs air.” When we step away from constant proximity, we make room for anticipation.
Eros as Personal Responsibility
Reclaiming eros is not about demanding more excitement from others. It is about becoming someone who is engaged with life. When we nurture our own passions, creativity, and mystery, we invite desire back into our relationships naturally, starting with the relationship with yourself.
Eros is less about what we do in private moments and more about how we inhabit our daily lives. It is the courage to remain curious. The willingness to open to life in new ways, celebrate the you are love and you have the freedom to pursue what makes us feel vibrantly alive.
In a culture that prizes efficiency and productivity, choosing eros is almost radical. It asks us to slow down, to savour, to risk a little uncertainty.
And perhaps that is the real invitation: not to chase the spark, but to become it!
Honouring Eros!
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Bibliography
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. HarperCollins.
