DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU GOT FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR?
Most of us cannot remember what we got for Christmas but we do remember the vibe of the gatherings, the connections made, the stories told around the table and the feelings generated. We remember the love, the arguments, the hope, and quirky things people did. Our relationships are the reason we celebrate Christmas! They are also the best measure of health!
So a few tips to help connect with each other this Christmas:
- Remember behaviour is always trying to get a need met. So listen for the need and feed it back to the other and usually the behaviour stops. ie: “It sounds like you really value being heard around this issue?’ (need = support, acknowledgement, being heard, understanding etc – not a solution, as much as your brain may like to analyse). Also you have needs that staying close to yourself and giving yourself some empathy will help you verbalise these too.
- Remember no one modelled to us secure functioning relationships!Your parents never had modelling too. So start a trend by sharing your self empathy ie ” I am excited to spend Christmas with you, as I have missed you”. Or “I am really nervous about today as social gatherings usually make me uncomfortable, so was wondering if we could do it differently? I have brought games would you be interested in playing?’
- Repair quickly. Conflict that is not repaired goes into long term memory, so the thing that will be remembered next Christmas is that argument. So if you stuff up, apologise and repair it. Remember it is not repaired until it is repaired.
- Emotional Indulgence – check yourself at the door. If you can regulate your nervous system outside of the home, or when a friend is in your home then yelling, hitting, the silent treatment or any form of abuse is simply an emotional indulgence. You are responsible for how you respond. So a tip, ask yourself this: “Would I speak to a family member in this way if my best friend was standing beside me?” If not don’t do it!
- Set Your Intention. What kind of Christmas would you like? How would you like to feel? Set your intention for the day, the holiday, the festive season. Feel into it and let the festivities bring about your desires. It creates a little magic over Christmas and you deserve it!
