starts and ends
with your lips…..
– rupi kaur
Valentines Day is an invitation to celebrate love in its many forms; eros (romantic), pragma (enduring), platonic, familial (familiar, storge), collegial, agape (selfless love), philia (affectionate), ludus (playful), philautia (self love)….modern love takes many forms.
How do we miss out on the depth of love, in our relating, by wanting it to be ‘eros’, romantic love?
“Naming Love Too Early..
is a beautiful but harrowing human difficulty. Most of our heartbreak comes from attempting to name who or what we love and the way we love, too early in the vulnerable journey of discovery. We can never know in the beginning, in giving ourselves to a person, to a work, to a marriage or to a cause, exactly what kind of love we are involved with. When we demand a certain specific kind of reciprocation before the revelation has flowered completely we find our selves disappointed and bereaved and in that grief may miss the particular form of love that is actually possible but that did not meet our initial and too specific expectations. Feeling bereft we take our identity as one who is disappointed in love, our almost proud disappointment preventing us from seeing the lack of reciprocation from the person or the situation as simply a difficult invitation into a deeper and as yet unrecognizable form of affection.
The act of loving itself, always becomes a path of humble apprenticeship, not only in following its difficult way and discovering its different forms of humility and beautiful abasement but strangely, through its fierce introduction to all its many astonishing and different forms, where we are asked continually and against our will, to give in so many different ways, without knowing exactly, or in what way, when or how, the mysterious gift will be returned.
We name mostly in order to control but what is worth loving does not want to be held within the bounds of too narrow a calling. In many ways love has already named us before we can begin to articulate what is occurring, before we can utter the right words or understand what has happened to us or is continuing to happen to us: an invitation to the most difficult art of all, to love without naming at all.’ David Whyte.
Happy Valetines Day to ALL the LOVERS in the World, may your heart shine bright….
May you tell the ones you love, in all the forms it takes how much they mean to you today, and everyday…..
Here’s a little how:
- Name your Valentine
- Write one word that describes the ‘tone’ of your love letter
- What are some things about your valentine that you appreciate about them? A couple of sentences.
- How has your Valetine changed you having known them?
- How do you enhance your Valentine’s life?
- What you would like to change or improve in your connection between now and next Valentine’s Day?
- Add a little music, poetry, something from nature, food, wine or a small thoughtful touch…
Games create novelty, connection and bring out our innocence whilst getting to know each other more intimately. Games spark our curiosity, conversation and insights which create further connections and deepen our connection….we never tire of playing.
- Card Games:
Esther Perel’s Where Shall We Begin
2. Mysterious Adventure Date Games to create memories, novelty and mystery:
3. Plan Date Nights including weekly ‘Sex Date Nights’
4. Renew your relationship vision, commitment to each other
5. Add your own here….there are infinite possible ways to connect.